I have like 4 days with my blog acount open waiting for something to pop to my mind of what i can write about, more specifically how can i write the things that i have in my head right now, i always end up watching the screen and my fingers on the keyboard but nothing comes out. so i just came out of the barthroom from changing clothes and i just thought "hey what ever im just gonna type what ever comes to my mind just to start my blog", first thing in my head right now that i wanna point out is that who ever (if any) has read my blog, can notice that i havent written anything in a loong time, like from last year, and all my blogs were about things that i find interesting, things i own, things i saw and stuff like that, but the thing is that i have never written about my self, and thats because i didnt think that writing about my self was a thing i wanted to do, there are just so many bloggers that dedicate their blogs about their daily lives, and i was like, what is so interesting about that, and its not like i have the most interesting life in the world, i actually kinda dont do anything, but there is something that i can write about my life, and its not something pretty, its not the worst thing in the world but its something that has been bothering me from the last 17 years and its something that not only happends to me. for who ever reads this and who cares i suffer from anxiety and some other stuff related to it, not a big deal lots of people in todays world suffer of it, i have seen a bunch of vloggers that talk about their experience with anxiety, this is nothing diferent from them, then why do i feel the need to write it down in a blog, what do i know i just feel like it, so today is i write my first anxiety blog.
Today is 7/18/2013, its fucking summer, my least favorite seasson of the year, its to hot to do anything outside, only the brave dare to do it, well some people are use to it, but im not one of them, and it happens that i have a thing by the name "agoraphobia" that makes it harder for me to go outside, i think this is the thing that bothers me the most of being an anxious person, is that my agoraphobia stops me from doing things i like and things i would love to do, and when its autum, winter or spring, going out and facing my problem is a little easier but since i dislike hot weather so much its just so crappy to go outside, so i can be like days and weeks just here in my house. and this is a problem because if i wanna be better and face my problem i need to go out, well yeah its crappy im just gonna say that. there is an anime convention in a month and i would really like to go, but the thought of the hot weather and going all over to were its gonna take place is just a big NO NO. summer is just a crappy part of the year for me, and its just like for some reasson in summer is when some not very good things have been happening from the last years, this year for example, my boyfriends car got stolen in his job, 4 days later my parents van stop working when they were going on a trip, i lost 3 of my dogs, one aunt goy really sick, we didnt get to go anywere for vacation, and other stuff, and all that just happend in 1 month in summer, this summer, not gonna talk about the other summers before,just no... i know that this are very tipical things but i just find curios how they just manage to get all in summer time, i really wanted to get out of here, we were going to go to the beach, and i just love the ocean, that was going to be good, but its not gonna happend, not this year.
i dont now why i feel like i have to justify my self to what is moving me to write about this stuff, i feel kinda dumb, but i see this as a terapeutic thing, or well thats how i plan to do it, dont know if im gonna keep up with it, maybe im gonna write today and stop like for the next 5 months then come back with a diferent attitud, and writing about how happy i am. dont get me wrong im not unhappy, its just that sometimes its kinda hard, but eventually it gets better, then im down again, then im ok, well thats how life is i guess...im not writing this anxiety blog to type how miserable i am, cuz im not, im just writing down how i feel about my problems and how i deal or try to do it, and about how summer is crappy if you just stay at home.
i know im not a good writer and my boyfriend would kick my ass if he reads some of the things im writing (his an english teacher). well i think he is one of those things that i feel like writing a little about. last year i got out a 3 year relationship with an ex, the longest relationship i ever had, and yes it happend starting summer, then i got in to a relationship or a wanna be relationship with this guy, that i just cant stand anymore, he basically took my money for 2 months and i was so dumb to just do it, by giving him presents and paying him trips and stuff, i remmember this one time he told me that i should give him the zelda game my brother gived to me on xmas, and if it wasnt because my brother is kinda special and fear of his ass kicking, i would have given him the game. well i stop being this guys fool and stop talking to him, around those days i started talking to this guy, i got to know from a friend, and the reason i added him to facebook was because my friend told me this guy was nozumo itoshiki from sayonara zetsubou sensei, and since nozumo is one of my fav aniem characters ever, i just had to add him, so i did and we started talking, from day one we just didnt stop, a week later my friend came to my house just to drop some things to my house and she came with him, so this was the first time i ever saw jiooji, that was on wensday i think, and since halloween was near, one day he was telling me about this suit like the ones they use to protect from extrem heat or radiation, and that sunday he came to my house and we talked for around 4 hours non stop, he show me the suit and we just started talking about books, anime and other cool stuff, from tha point on i knew and he knew that in the future we were gonna be in a relationship, it was just to good to let it go, and yes that happend one month after that he asked me if i wanted to be his girlfriend (like a robot) and i said yes. so now we have almost 9 months and we are very happy, even if my anxiety gets in the way, he is very spportive, really tries to understand and have patience with me, so like i said not everythings bad actually nothings bad everything happends for a reasson, and im doing my best to be OK with the world and with my self.
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